i doubt those years change you

the first time we meet, the train station in Manhattan. while you were so busy with your camera picturing every scene. and I was there, standing still. grabbing your dropped wallet. I guess you never care at all.

the time our eyes meet, then you gasped a little with your spontaneous smile, asking mine to do the same thing. I remembered how you say ‘thank you, I don't even realize that was dropped’

ah, it's crazy how your voice always sounds like bird’s whispers.

the time when we were in love, your hands were like a puzzle holding mine. we walked the suburbs listening to our favorite music, then you were there again, forgetting your wallet and we decided to take a taxi instead of a train to go home.

on the weekend we used to order a pizza, watching a movie for a day. or, if you wanna ‘be a productive person ‘ —you always mentioned it that way— we will read a book, a fictional book for me, and for you, it's rather politics, self-improvement, or history journal.

I doubt those years change you, but I doubt my statement was false.

the night of nonstop arguing, the first time your voice doesn't sound like a bird whispers, it sounds like the thunders and storms.

I doubt those years change you, but maybe I was wrong.

you turned into someone I wish I never know you that close. because for years I knew you as my favorite old song, where I know every word in it.

I doubt those years change you, perhaps the ‘you’ with the bird’s whisper voice.

our breakup was a year behind. your drunk call, your short text telling me how you miss me and how you still forgetting your wallet. but darling it was all left behind. and I promise myself, how hard I wish you were here, our late night talks, and those all stupid activities we used to do, how much I want them to happen again, it was our past.

realizing you still missing me and thinking of me, maybe enough for this circumstance.

I doubt those years change you, but then after I buried all our past. the manhattan train station, you were there, holding another girl's hands.

the year I wasn't there for you, the year passes by without me. the years i was forgotten. 

I never thought those years could change you, but then one of my friends told me about her.

I smiled and said ‘great I wish them a happy life'. then crying on the bathroom floor for hours. 

i wish she reminds you where your wallet was kept. whenever you forget about it. i wish she could recite you a midnight trivia while you're talking together. i wish she did everything i can't do again. and complete you. 

i never thought you would fall in love again. those hands who used to holding mine were holding another's. 

then away it goes, it turns out you can fall in love again.

it turns out, that years do change you.